We’re gonna start seeing Jerry Seinfeld on TV again…no, not with another sitcom, he’s  signed on for a new series of TV commercials for Microsoft…$10 million…[funny guy, but isn’t Jerry Seinfeld kind of—“yesterday?”][how’s that gonna play with the Mac crowd?]…

Well, it’s finally here–the Democratic National Convention.

I thought it was really interesting, that survey of Denver people, asking what word best described their attitude toward the convention being here.  Almost two thirds were either worried, annoyed or “who cares.”  I don’t know how many times I’ve heard people say they’re gonna stay AWAY from downtown the entire week–I think that’s where the ACTION is gonna be, why not at least get a TASTE of it?

I think everyone is wondering what the “net effect” is going to be, once the convention is said and done.  I’m thinking that probably it’s going to be pretty uneventful.  Probably not much different than having the NCAA basketball tournament in town.  The “wild card” would be the protesters–will we see images of overturned cars in flames and police in riot gear?  I doubt it.  Seems to me–and I could be wrong–most of the protesters aren’t really that angry, they just want to get on TV, cause a fuss, maybe get arrested, then go party. 

I think the city has done a FABULOUS job of preparing for this, don’t you?  Everything is nice and clean, neat as a pin.  Very few street people, very little trash, lots of fresh flowers and fresh paint.  We should have a convention EVERY year!

Was driving down C-470 last night, got passed by a Pontiac Aztec, with the license plate “XQSME!”  I thought to myself, “really, there’s NO excuse for driving an Aztec–is there?”  One of the ugliest cars ever built. 

Of course, I say that half-kiddingly.  No matter HOW ugly a car may seem to MOST people, there are always a few people that find it attractive.  For example, I have always thought the ORIGINAL Subaru B-9 Tribecas–the ones with the horse-collar grille?–were pretty COOL looking!  I was QUITE disappointed to see that they’d re-tooled the styling last year and changed the front end to look very boring.

I recently exchanged some e-mails with Chuck, a KOOL 105 listener, about ugly cars and ugly car names.  What prompted the discussion was me bringing up the new electric car that GM is building, the Chevy Volt.  Chuck thought that was a dumb name, although I think it’s OK.  He also thought the Kompressor is a silly name for the Mercedes line of sports cars.  He mentioned the Ford Probe–agreed, what a TERRIBLE name!  And, of course, he brought up the Aztec.  Any time there’s a feature article on Yahoo or MSN.com about ugly cars, the Aztec always gets mentioned–it’s LEGENDARY for its ugliness.

Back to ugly names.  Here’s my list…

Isuzu Ascender.  I’m sure the Isuzu people were wanting us to visualize this SUV “ascending” hills and mountains.  But doesn’t the word “ascend” kind of suggest a gliding, upward movement?  Not a very rugged image, for an SUV!

Isuzu Impulse.  Yes, Isuzu gets the award for coming up with the worst names.  I would mention the Isuzu Amigo, but this post might start to get redundant.  Anyway, back to the Impulse.  Aren’t impulses usually to be resisted?  Is impulse shopping GOOD?  I don’t think so.

Plymouth Breeze.  I actually sort of LIKED this car, you still see one on the highway every once in awhile.  But do I want to drive a breeze?  Seems to suggest lightweight, easily breakable.

AMC Matador.  Remember the TV commercial from the ’70s?  “What’s a Matador?”  Good question!!  The strangest thing about this car was that the coupe and the sedan were totally different designs, even though they were supposedly the same model.  Both were wierd-looking. The Matador sedan had a front end that looked like an over-stuffed sandwich, with the meat sticking out over the edge of the bread.  The coupe had a bizarre sweeping body line that reminded you of a toothbrush.  Unfortunately, that didn’t keep me from BUYING a Matador coupe–a beige 1974 Oleg Cassini model.  It had a wild PLAID cloth interior.  What can I say, it was the 70s!!  I owned it for about three months before I couldn’t stand it any more, sold it to my Army bunk-mate.

Jeep Cherokee Laredo.  Cherokees are Indians.  “Laredo,” is that a cowboy term?  Or did they intend it to be Spanish?  Either way, we’re talking an absurd clash of cultures, aren’t we?  How are “Cherokee” and “Laredo” related?

Those are some of MY thoughts–feel free to chime in!!

After yesterday’s post, I got an e-mail from Don in Littleton, who passed this along.  Sorry to say, I qualify as “older than dirt,” although I don’t remember ALL of them…

Count all the ones that you remember not the ones you were told about–find out your score at the bottom., after the quiz…  

1 Blackjack chewing gum2. Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water 3. Candy cigarettes4. Soda pop machines that dispensed glass bottles 5. Coffee shops or diners with tableside juke boxes 6 . Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers 7. Party lines8. News reels before the movie 9. P.F. Flyers10. Butch wax 11. Telephone n umbers with a word prefix (OLive-6933) 12. Peashooters 13. Howdy Doody 14. 45 RPM records 15. S& H greenstamps 16 Hi-fi’s17. Metal ice trays with lever 18. Mimeograph paper19 Blue flashbulb20. Packards21. Roller skate keys22. Cork popguns 23. Drive-ins24. Studebakers2 5. Wash tub wringers 

If you remembered 0-5 = You’re still youngIf you remembered 6-10 = You are getting older If you remembered 11-15 = Don’t tell your age,If you remembered 16-25 = You’re older than dirt! 

Don says, “I might be older than dirt but those memories are the best part of my life!”  Amen, brutha!

From my east-coast pal, JT…

‘Someone asked the other day, ‘What was your favorite fast food when you were growing up?’  ‘We didn’t have fast food when I was growing up,’ I informed him. ‘All the food was slow.’ 

‘C’mon, seriously. Where did you eat?’  

‘It was a place called ‘at home,” I explained. ‘Grandma cooked every day and when Grandpa got home from work, we sat down together at the dining room table, and if I didn’t like what she put on my plate I was allowed to sit there until I did like it.’   

By this time, the kid was laughing so hard I was afraid he was going to suffer serious internal damage, so I didn’t tell him the part about how I had to have permission to leave the table. But here are some other things I would have told him about my childhood if I figured his system could have handled it… 

Some parents NEVER owned their own house, wore Levis, set foot on a golf course, traveled out of the country or had a credit card. In their later years they had something called a revolving charge card. The card was good only at Sears Roebuck. Or maybe it was Sears AND Roebuck. Either way, there is no Roebuck anymore. Maybe he died.  

Myparents never drove me to soccer practice. This was mostly because who ever had heard of soccer. I had a bicycle that weighed probably 50 pounds, and only had one speed, (slow). We didn’t have a television in our house until I was 11, but my grandparents had one before that. It was, of course, black and white, but they bought a piece of colored plastic to cover the screen. The top third was blue, like the sky, and the bottom third was green, like grass. The middle third was red. It was perfect for programs that had scenes of fire trucks riding across someone’s lawn on a sunny day.

I was 13 before I tasted my first pizza, it was called ‘pizza pie.’ When I bit into it, I burned the roof of my mouth and the cheese slid off,swung down, plastered itself against my chin and burned that, too. It’s still the best pizza I ever had.   

We didn’t have a car until I was 15. Before that, the only car in our family was my grandfather’s Ford. He called it a ‘machine.’  

I never had a telephone in my room. The only phone in the house was in the living room and it was on a party line. Before you could dial, you had to listen and make sure some people you didn’t know weren’t already using the line.

Pizzas were not delivered to our home. But milk was.  All newspapers were delivered by boys and all boys delivered newspapers.  I delivered a newspaper, six days a week. It cost 7 cents a paper, of which I got to keep 2 cents. I had to get up at 4 AM every morning. On Saturday, I had to collect the 42 cents from my customers. My favorite customers were the ones who gave me 50 cents and told me to keep the change. My least favorite customers were the ones who seemed to never be home on collection day.  

Movie stars kissed with their mouths shut. At least, they did in the movies. Touching someone else’s tongue with yours was called French kissing and they didn’t do that in movies. I don’t know what they did in French movies. French movies were dirty and we weren’t allowed to see them.  

Growing up isn’t what it used to be, is it?